I know, dramatic start, right? But there’s no other way to start this than with the truth. There was a car accident. An accident so bad it should’ve killed me (and two very precious people), but it didn’t. I still don’t know exactly what happened. I don’t remember a thing beyond driving home as usual and waking up hours later in the emergency room, unable to move.

Many hard things came in the days and weeks that followed. The hardest of which was learning the accident was my fault. Even worse, the brutal reality that because of me, someone I love beyond measure was in the hospital with an injury they might not survive, and if they did—their entire life would change forever.

The pain that accompanied me during those days was deep and relentless. It was so dark, so difficult. Yet, at the same time, this other thing was happening. Something just as mysterious as the accident itself—the circumstances of our survival.

I came to learn of several seemingly random things that occurred around and during the accident. Things that were completely unusual and impeccably timed. Things that directly impacted our survival, and even my special person experiencing an unexplainable level of recovery from their injury—changing the entire prognosis for their future.

Then there were these people, these complete strangers, who came out of nowhere and started helping. I had just become friends with a couple that lived nearby, who happened to be a pastor and his wife. They shared what happened with their church—and people mobilized. Mowing lawns, bringing dinner, helping with house stuff, showing up at hospitals and appointments. Messages of encouragement and prayers poured in from everywhere, even as far as Scotland.

I kept asking myself, who on earth are these people? They don’t even know me, yet here they are, making the darkest season of my life a little less horrific and a lot less lonely.

It was these seemingly random things and these seemingly random people that wouldn’t leave my mind. Even after the dark times lifted and life began to move forward. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something more had happened. It started to bug me, like, really bug me. I couldn’t let it go and move on with life like I always had. I knew something much bigger than anything I’d ever known invaded my world. And it was time to pay attention.

I started leaning toward the idea of God being a real, actual being. I always figured there was something more-than-human out there, but I was fine with us doing our own thing and not getting in each other’s way. After the accident, it became clear that minding my own business wasn’t an option made available to me. If God truly existed, either I was on board or I was not. There wasn’t an in-between.

So, okay, sure. I decided God exists. Why not? I can look at the world and clearly see it’s too specific, too fancy to be a happy little accident (insert nod to Bob Ross), so it was relatively easy for me to go there. Done, right? Nope. The pressing didn’t stop. It pushed even harder and continually put one name in front of me. Jesus. Asking me the same question over and over—what are you going to do with Jesus?

Honestly, I didn’t want to do anything with Jesus. Not a single thing. Messy humans, personal hurts, even church history—it all made Jesus seem incredibly unappealing to me. But the pressing wouldn’t relent, so I pressed back. I decided to look at Jesus as openly and honestly as I could. I would come to a final answer of my own effort and mind.

Over the next year, I went after it—and hard. I hammered the Bible, pastors, books, apologetics, and innocent-by-standing believers. Hitting them with questions, scrutiny, and genuine concerns. I sought a solid reason for a solid no because this whole Jesus thing seemed too far-fetched, too unbelievable to be real. 

That didn’t happen.

Instead, I began to discover things about this mysterious God-Man. This single human-and-more being who people have united under, divided over, and died for. Across cultures, empires, and ages. Something about Jesus is different. Every question I threw at Jesus came back with an answer or something that meant way more than what I was asking. Who Jesus is held firm under my doubts, fears, scrutiny, and ignorance. All of it. I couldn’t explain Jesus away.

Then the day came.

The day I no longer needed to have all my questions answered. The day I stopped blaming Him for every wrong thing in order to excuse myself from taking ownership and making decisions. The Jesus I had come to know was so much more than I imagined and so much more than anything else I had ever encountered. That was the day I gave Jesus my yes, and my life has never been the same.

I call the day of the accident the Best-Worst-Day Ever. It was the day I should’ve died, and it was the day that led to life. The most incredible life I’ve ever known. Is life with Jesus easy and smooth sailing? A thousand-plus-one-not-at-alls. If anything, some things have become harder, but harder in a way that matters and totally worth living for.

There’s nothing like life with Jesus. Nothing. I would do it over and over again.

C.S. Lewis once said, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

I have found this to be absolutely true, without question. These are things that can’t be fully explained or experienced second-hand. They aren’t meant to. They are meant to be sought out for you, by you. Your questions, your doubts, your hurts, your everything—they are yours to put out there. To a God who isn’t scared of them or offended by them. To a God who is ready to show you exactly who He is and exactly how much He loves you. Regardless of who you are, what you have done, or what has been done to you.

His love is bigger than all of it and covers all of it. Forever.

There is nothing I want more in this world than for you to know the love I know, feel the joy I feel, and have the hope I have. All of which have come from being with Jesus through every wonderful and awful thing I’ve experienced ever since I gave Him my yes. I wish I could wave a sparkly wand and give Him to you right now—but I can’t.

But what I can do is encourage you to please look into Jesus for yourself. There will be nothing worthy lost in the time you spend looking and everything worthy to gain. You may find yourself caught up in a story so magnificent, so epic, that every novel and movie script ever written pales massively in comparison. A story that is so very real and matters so very much. More than you can possibly imagine.